Can you see me?
by thefallfiles
Summary: Their relationship over the past few years had it's ups and down, but recently it had become much more strained. Scully was working more and Mulder was becoming more of a recluse. She was starting to unravel before his very eyes, her mind and body aching to forget about a little boy named...William.


Mulder x Scully | After The Truth, before I Want To Believe. | BETA: Hannah 3

* * *

Her whole body ached.

It wasn't the usual '3 hours of sleep after spending 16 hours in the OR' run down aches, either.

It was an ache that felt as though rough fingers were squeezing her heart, her lungs half inflated, her breath stuttering, fingertips numbing.

She couldn't even string two words together.

The words behind her eyes bleeding black.

A loud bang of something hard connecting with wood echoed throughout the kitchen, dragging Scully out of the murky waters of her sub-consciousness.

Cold fingers wrapping themselves loosely around the crystalline glass, blood diamonds swirling thickly under her unfocused gaze.

"There was only one chinese outlet open," His voice gruff, almost as rough as the beard adorning his face. "Everyone seems to be closed in celebration, to reign in the new year."

She wanted to comment, make a flippant remark about if they didn't live so far from normal civilisation it wouldn't be this hard to retrieve a last minute meal. But she couldn't. The paper thin strength of their relationship already fraying and threatening to tear completely.

"They must be." She concurred, her eyes heavy as she watched him start to unpack the contents out of the paper bag.

Her movements were slow; measured and quiet, bare feet cool on the cold wooden floors, goosebumps covering pale skin. _Did I forget to put the clothes in the dryer?_

Mulder had recently waxed the floors a few days prior, so it was safe for them to walk without having shoes or socks on, having noticed just over a week ago the tins lining the hallway but not before tripping. Twice.

Scully didn't understand why he wouldn't just call somebody and get them to do it. They weren't on the run, not so much anymore, having somewhat settled into the small town they were residing in after 9 months.

She was lying to herself, she knew why he couldn't. It was Mulder, her Mulder. She knew him better than he knew himself. She had traced, touched, kissed, and held him for so long now.

That just made this worse.

Knowing that consciously, subconsciously, physically and mentally - that she knew him.

 _Knows_ him.

Yet, she can't touch him. Can't reach him. She ached for him.

But lately, he'd been pulling away from her - from them. She wanted to blame him for the tattered remnants of their relationship but that wouldn't be fair, or true. The dust of lost ignited touches were piling upon her bones, coating her frail bones in all that has been forgotten.

"Scully- are you listening to me?"

Looking up, the dark deepening sapphire meeting indigo. "Uh...yeah, I'm just-"

"Yep. Okay." Mulder cut her off, shoving a plastic fork into a take-out box of spring rolls.

The red head shook her head, a quiet sigh escaping rose lips, the corners of her mouth starting to stain like an artist's hands. Taking a generous sip and setting the glass on the cluttered counter, she continued to walk towards him, her gaze briefly landing on anything other than him.

Once reaching the stove, Scully crouched down and opened the oven; stale air wafted over her, lone vegetables burnt to a crisp and a sad, burnt roast glaring up at her from it's place on the tray. Tired lids slipped closed over her eyes as hot tears threatened to slip freely, chest suddenly constricted as a shaky breath stuttered freely from her mouth.

 _Stop that. Stop it. Don't let him see you this way._

The tray landed on top of the stove with a clatter, her fingers digging into the edge of the greasy ruined disaster in front of her. Everything in front of her clouded eyes started to blur as her body betrayed her, warm salty liquid spilling down pale cheeks and curving along her jaw.

She felt him before he even spoke, that warm comforting presence that had always managed to keep her calm, keep her safe, keep her sane. Scully canted backwards, arms reaching behind her, hands slowly making their way down to grip onto the solid form behind her; greasy nails digging into the dark denim behind her.

"I've got you." He whispered the words softly, nose gently parting the hair behind her ear and caressing his lips there.

More tears dripped down her pale cheek retracing tear-stained paths, "He would be 6 years old right now." Scully felt him freeze and slowly pulling away from her.

The hard muscles of his arms tensing briefly, she could feel his whole body becoming rigid, withdrawn from her. "Mulder I-" She paused briefly when she felt a warm hand press against her hip, sliding upwards and resting against her stomach.

She attempted to get the words out once again, but every time they reached her lips they liquified and spilled back down her throat threatening to choke her with her own words. "Scully." He stopped her, moving to rest his head against the top of hers.

Sucking in a deep breath, she almost swore she could hear her lungs rattle.

 _it's my fault. All of it._

Moving her own hand from it's death grip on his denim jeans and wrapping her fingers loosely around his own on her stomach, she closed her eyes feeling an immediate calm spreading throughout her body - just from his touch.

"You saved him, Scully."

His voice startled her, much closer than she thought he was. She didn't know how much time had passed but everything surrounding them was cast in shadows or moonlight. Mulder turned his head, that was now resting on her shoulder; his free arm wrapped around her from behind and holding her close to him. His beard scratching the side of her neck as he tried to search her eyes, needing validation for himself.

 _Don't._

 _I need a distraction._

Wrapping her hand around the back of his neck, Scully entwined the fingers of her other hand that was still pressed against her stomach and slid it down, down, down until it reached the edge of her pants. Mulder didn't dare move, his brow furrowing, other fingers digging into her side.

"Scu-" He didn't have a chance to finish saying her name.

Scully directed his hand underneath her own pants, her breath stuttering as his fingers grazed her pussy lips. Eyes slamming shut and fingers twitching once she released her iron grip on his hand, the pulse point in her wrist quickening as blood returned to her fingers.

"Touch...touch me, Mulder" The last word coming out in a whine, swiping her tongue across chapped lips.

The arm that was wrapped around her hips moved further towards the left, so that he could reach her more easily from this angle. His mind was racing, becoming harder at every passing second. He couldn't focus on what he was doing... for him, for her or for them anymore. His long fingers of his hand above her shirt gently grazed the mound of flesh, tentative fingertip circling through the thin material, Scully bit back a moan.

A moan of pleasure, a moan of frustration. It wasn't enough.

"Don't you ache for me anymore?" Her breathing became more and more shallow, pressing

His heart was breaking for her. Was this his fault?

What did she need?

Moving his fingers away from her center, gentle fingers began to trace soft patterns across her ivory thigh, slowly creeping back inward until eventually grazing her core, running a single finger up and down. Dipping his fingers just past slick folds and stroking her teasingly, expert digits merely grazing her clit, making the redhead's hips jerk with every touch, her mind finally beginning to blanken. The room was spinning.

Pressing his lips behind her ear once again, lining kisses across her ear until he took her earlobe into this mouth, tongue toying with the hoop of her earring and sucking gently on the lobe. She felt her knees give way on her. Mulder held onto her tighter, letting her know that it was okay. He would be her rock.

"It's okay." He whispered softly.

She must of zoned out for about a minute or so, her vision suddenly coming into focus as he pulled and pushed his digits in and out of her, her muscles clenching as he slowly pulled his fingers out. His fingers kept a steady rhythm as he added a second inside of her pulsing cunt, curling them at just the right angle to press against the spongy muscle with every thrust and pushing deeper inside.

"Oh!" Scully's voice cried out, eyes flying open, her hips shaking as she tried to sync her hips into a rhythm with his hand.

Sliding her own hand into her pants once more, she grazed her clit; every part of her body was vibrating, she was right on the edge. Everything she was feeling had put her right on edge. Her other hand now moved under her shirt, the palm of her hand sliding against slick skin, she could feel how hard he was behind her and that just spurred her on even more.

His fingers were still sliding in and out of her wet heat, when she flicked her own nipple; Mulder then squeezing her breast through her shirt, his fingers wrapped tightly around her own, sending a flare of heat through her legs, white hot ripples spreading from her abdomen and to every edge of her.

Her clit was still pulsing steadily underneath her fingers.

She felt dirty and sweaty. She hadn't even gotten what she wanted.

Or, what she thought she wanted.

Scully wrapped her fingers around his wrist and pulled his hand out of her pants. Stumbling slightly as he pulled his hand away from her chest.

"Are you okay? Did you fi-?"

She shook her head, not able to speak. Or look... at him.

Turning back towards the oven, she took a deep breath inwards trying to calm herself. _Why isn't anything working? Why isn't this working?!_

Pressing the palm of her hands against closed eyes, Scully let out a long groan, her mind torturing her relentlessly. "Fuck!" She cried, turning back towards the oven and picking up the tray only to throw in onto the floor so that it smeared across the freshly polished floors.

He hadn't yet tasted the sorrow spreading across her lips, looking at her half-crouched tore at his battered heart. Mulder wiped the essence of his lover across his denim before taking a half-step towards her, wrapping his fingers around her wrists. She resisted initially, pulling away, his touch reminding her of everything that hurt.

"Scully, I'm here." His voice pained.

With those words she turned slightly towards him, looking up at him with swollen eyes and a broken heart; to which she saw reflected in his own. Moving closer to him, he dropped his hands from her until her arms wrapped around his waist.

"I know."


End file.
